Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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