matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
