i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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