So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
