so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
