I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize