He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
