come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
