I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
