I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
