whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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