My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
