hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
