i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
