can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blood and glitter go together right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
