I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
