Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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