Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
