I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
