i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You made out with two different species that night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
