if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
