I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
