Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
