it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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