If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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