I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The best revenge is premature balding
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
