u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
