East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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