I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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