She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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