She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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