my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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