i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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