If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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