do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
