What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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