There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
