omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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