saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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