Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
