i think my tv is drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
