I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
