I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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