the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
