almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
