seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
