Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
