I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
