What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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