Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
