After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
