you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
