K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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