There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
