So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize