do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
