Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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