last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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