Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
