My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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