dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
