I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
