What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
