pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
