Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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