So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
