if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
