I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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