I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
