You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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