my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
