Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
