One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
