its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
