We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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