Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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