I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
