just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
