Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
