I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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