We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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